Never ever ever give up

Over the last six months, I have often contemplated quitting my job. Sounds crazy, right? Or at the very least, pretty irresponsible considering I have a kid I’m trying to raise into a respectful and respectable adult. Quitting my job would be setting a pretty poor example for her. But I know the job I’m in right now is not the career I had hoped for when I was graduating college. Of course, when I graduated from college I still had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. Recently, in light of my job dissatisfaction, I’ve really been tossing around the question, “if I could do/be anything, what would I choose?”
If you’re anything like me, that question is huge. As in, a huge blank. My degree is in creative writing. So the logical answer would be to do something in that field. Easy peasy!
Do you know how hard it is to make money writing creatively? J.K. Rowling received several rejections before publishing the popular Harry Potter series. Plus the manuscript was sent to twelve different publishers before it was actually printed. Now, I’m not J.K., or Stephen King, or anybody else famous. Plus my last name is hard to spell (much less pronounce, without guidance).  And considering I’m a single mom, writing is really only feasible as a side gig at the current moment. But that’s neither here nor there.
The last time I was unemployed, I searched for a job for nine months before starting a part time delivery gig. I’ve been at the delivery gig for nearly four years now. I don’t deliver the pizzas anymore, but I’ve gotten pretty savvy at making them. As I peruse job websites looking for something that will fill my financial needs, my availability, and falls into my skill set, it feels very overwhelming. The other day I sat in my chair, using my boyfriend’s computer and I cried. As in, complete and total meltdown. I was slightly embarrassed at the time because I normally can hold it together way better than that. I couldn’t even chalk it up to a bad day. I was in tears because all I could think about was my previous nine month search and potentially being in the same job for nine more months. It was devastating. After I’d slept some, gathered myself together, and gotten my hormones back in check, I was determined. Determined to not get knocked back down by discouragement or what ifs.
Guess what? It happened again. As I was putting pizza toppings on a pizza my mind was flooded with uncertainties, my lack of qualifications, my impatience at the lack of results to  my job applications, and my self esteem took a beating from my mental berating. And then it hit me (with a little help from the Boyfriend and the Mom). I am doing ok. Do I like my job? Not really. Am I working to change my job situation? On a daily basis! I applied for a job two days ago that 327 other people applied for. Not expecting a call on that one, but I tossed my hat in the ring anyway. Why? Because I can’t be considered if I don’t try.
In all this job searching mess, I have a verse that has stuck in my head. Isaiah 40:31 says, “But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” (NLT) Another one I like is Galatians 6:9. It says, “let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Job searching, or just figuring out what you want to do with your life can be a daunting task. It is definitely wearisome, believe me! But I know that the right job is out there for me. If I could get paid to read books all day, I would totally be up for that! Alas, I don’t think that’s in my future. At least, not in the near future. But I’ll never give up on my dreams! And I’ll keep doing the wearisome things because the right thing will come at the right time, if I don’t give up. God has a plan and I will trust in that. Until then, know anybody that’s hiring? I’m a really great secretary!



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